Lately, I have gone through a bit of a transformation. I have recently lost 50 pounds and taken fitness and diet as a part of my lifestyle more seriously. Now, I know where you think this is going – the long diatribe on my downslide and subsequent awakening, the “journey” to get here, and my new found outlook on life. While all of those have happened and I am truly grateful, I thought I would take this a different way. See, what I have been thinking about a lot is recognition. I have been provided a lot of support and recognition as a result of this change and for that I am thankful, but it also made me think about those that deserve recognition that don’t always get it. So, with that in mind, here are some shout outs to those I don’t feel get enough recognition for what they have been able to do:
1) The people who have always been in shape. Hey you, guy that goes to the gym on Friday night instead of swilling happy hour priced beers. Nice work. Hello to you as well, Ms. Reasonable Meals who doesn't stop at Mickey D’s every night for the “Artery Clogger Du Jour”. Great job on never getting that beer gut or those flabby arms in the first place. In my opinion, they deserve just as much credit for realizing right away what took me 10+ years to figure out. Garbage In = Garbage Out. Often times, we tag people who have always stayed in shape as having “good genes” or developing some rationalization as to why their lives are unencumbered by the stresses of our daily grind. I know I was guilty of this. In other cases, their efforts are just taken for granted because they never suffered the downslide that has afflicted so many of us. Meanwhile, we celebrate those who turn their lives around by following what these people have done their whole lives. It’s not that we shouldn't celebrate turnarounds; we absolutely should because they are great, but we should also recognize those that have realized this from the beginning and acted accordingly. So, to you ladies and gentlemen that have maintained your “new car smell”, congratulations! I respect you more now than I did before.
2) The “average” professional athlete. This goes out to the utility infielder, the 12th man off the bench, the special teamer, and the tour pro who plays most Sundays but never sees much TV action. Do you realize that these guys/girls are probably more qualified and skilled to do what they do than you are at anything? Think about how competitive it is for any spot on a professional team or individual sport. For example, there are roughly 750 MLB players at one time and about 450 NBA players. That is 1200 job openings total and each spot is among the most highly sought after positions on the planet. However, we typically look at the lower end of the 1200 like they have more in common with a 3rd shift McDonalds worker as opposed to a CEO of a $1 Billion company (of which I would guess there are more than 1200 worldwide). I’m not saying their lives aren't lucky and aren't well paid (they certainly are). Also, I do believe it is a fan’s right to criticize something they are paying to watch and these guys are certainly not above scrutiny. However, I just want to point out that the guy you are calling a “bum” or “loser” who “sucks at his job” has beaten out thousands of other hopefuls who would do anything for the right to wear those warm ups or sit on that bench. Also, in most cases he probably makes less than the 750th best CEO, salesman, or lawyer in the world, and definitely less than the owner of the team who raised your ticket prices and made your state pay for the privilege to have his private and very profitable company play ball there. So, to you Mr. Garbage Time and Mrs. Pine Rider, great job. Glad you could be outstanding at what you do for a living. It was my hope as a kid to someday join your ranks, but I didn't have whatever got you there, so kudos my man.
3) Wet wipes over toilet paper. Yep, I went there. For someone who has used the bathroom for over 35 years, I can’t believe I am only a recent convert here. Seriously, why do we ever leave wet wipes? As a baby, wet wipes are common. Then, we teach the more civilized method of toilet training and regress to dry paper to clean ourselves. Do you brush your teeth dry? No. Do you rub a towel all over yourself and call it a shower? No. So why is toilet paper that is dry still the common method? I feel the same way about chopsticks. Stop using them! There is better technology out there! It’s called a damn fork! If you don’t believe me, lets race. Any entree, I will win. Forks make scooping easier, there are more tines for poking and prodding, and there is more overall surface area for food retrieval, selection, and ingestion. Also, by the time you get the proper finger placement on your utensil, I’m already half done eating because my utensil is “grip and go”. Forks win in a landslide. Now, back to wet wipes. Similar to the fork, it is the better technology. If cleanliness is the goal here, and I hope to everything holy that is the goal here, then wet wipes win in a landslide. What makes me laugh is the extent that people are embarrassed by having wet wipes out for adult use. Why is that big roll of double ply paper so much more acceptable? We all know its end use, don’t we? Therefore, how can people who would freak at the thought of no toilet paper be offended when the better technology is presented to them? I say get over it. I say it is time for an infrastructure overhaul where wet wipes are the common bathroom accompaniment. Sly Stallone had a 90’s movie called Demolition Man where he was transported to the future. In the movie, the use of “The 3 Seashells” was the futuristic method of post bathroom cleanliness. I like to think The 3 Seashells were just a fancy case holder for wet wipes and that wadded ball of paper was relegated to the museum next to the typewriter, 8-track player, and all those damn leftover chopsticks that no one uses anymore.
There you have it. While by no means a comprehensive list, I hope that this post gives you more appreciation for the work of these unheralded segments of our society. If we all join together and give them a slap on the back, a cheer at the game, or their own spot in the bathroom, these unsung heroes may finally get their due.
JB3
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